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Topic: emails 6-10 from the Solomon to doctor of neuroscience rlp

posted 10/19/2008  04:51Send e-mail to userReply with quote
Email 6
July 12 2008
i just read the article on decision making, i will probably have to think about it some more but it seems to me the activity they recorded is most like hesitation like the damming of a river until it over flows, to me the test appears to be flawed because the instrument recording is not continuous throughout the span of one's supposed lifetime or even a small fraction of one's exposed existence in the presence of the collective. if one is making a decision then one is obviously confused between this and that and this confusion requires energy to maintain so the the brain naturally devotes it's resources to this specific region until it's excessive waste builds up and starts to overflow into the other region dealing with act or motor functions at some point a threshold is reached and enough overflow has collected in the motor reflex region to promote movement, this movement of course is not always logical or rather consistent with the current surroundings, which could explain a lot of the unusual activities of man that are outside the realm of sustenance or protection etc... however there is another observation i am still working on, about a year ago i walked out of the desert into a city region of mesa az while suffering from dehydration, i noticed a rise and fall of the behavior that accompanies the movement of traffic and at a few points i was able to predict the direction of the motorists before they put on there turn signals, i think this extreme awareness was do to the somewhat lapse of persistent chattering of the mind.

In your last email you asked what purpose there could be for general observation or rather unmotivated and apparently chaotic questioning, not in those exact words of course, but i think i understood it to be the observations that have no apparent value to the confines of a pleasure/pain dictated society, i think that always questioning everything and never accepting anything outside the moment is perhaps the most compassion man can hope to have, however this is rather troubling to the self because it means that it is condemned to insensitivity to the whole or rather the drift down that lonely river of misery.

If one cannot bring about extraordinary sensitivity to such a degree that one's thoughts are the rest of mankind's thoughts, that there is no division, no separative motivation then these observations would of course be rather pointless. there are moments when i become so aware that my looking and listening are without motivation and what one might refer to as the other selves know what i am thinking without asking and i can ask a question and the other immediately has the answer, before this was just happening rarely even in what is called dreams, but since i have lately not been accepting that what i have usually referred to other people as being separate or unaware of my thoughts or history that i have noticed some peculiarities that make me wonder if perhaps i have been fooled all along, if not to deliberately cause me confusion then it must be a means of an immensity attempting to communicate to a fragment, i 'am not suggesting that this immensity is necessarily intelligent or even that it could be to only a piece of itself, but perhaps the most likely scenario is that the fragment is the whole and sensitivity functions accurately when the fragment expands to it's whole self, the whole is partially insensitive to the fragment as is likewise the other way around, every behavior or rather aspect of the fragment is part of the whole, as an example i am a liar and i play games with my lies, i am also insensitive to what i refer to as others, i am insensitive to there pain and quickly brush it aside or try to explain it away, apparently i have no choice or perhaps it has it's place because it is true that sometimes i feel that what i am told is there, such as when a fella told me that too much sugar made him feel like he was walking on nails, or when you told me a similar story of a duration of writhing pain and difficulty of movement while in the shower, or when i read about the existence of places outside the vicinity of my current surroundings such as what is referred to as other countries, i have not had this kind of pain directly or even been to other countries but i have a feeling that i can find these things if i eat too much sugar or get on a plane.

lately i have been devoting considerable effort to refraining from exaggerations, processing pre and possible post linguistic input and conjuring up possible rebuttal's and contradictions etc... and i have also been trying to ignore the rise and fall of the pitch and tone that is usually accompanied in conversation while at the same time limiting the build up of possible questions or suggestions. since then i have noticed moments when another person in a group of people points out a question i refrained from asking to see if it would be pointed out and there are even moments when i ask a question without including all the necessary variables and there is not only an answer but also an inclusion of further data that accurately pertains to the situation, as an example i was in the store yesterday and i was trying to figure out the order of the months so that i would know which product had a later use by date but i could not figure it out because even though i am 27 i have not paid much attention to the months, seasons and holidays etc... to such an extent that it required me to ask a clerk the silly question does october come after september, she told me which came first and pointed out that in either case i would most likely be able to consume the product before the expiration date, during this form of communication intelligence was functioning on the part of the clerk because the most likely reason for a person asking the order of months while inside grocery store would most likely mean that the motivation is to find out if a product is still fresh or at least somewhat edible if not exactly beneficial, this is a very mild form of communication that i hope someday will be possible, it would be a dream come true, literally! if someday we could all become so intensely sensitive to one another that there is no division whatsoever, i want to speak the serious truth and be spoken the serious truth without the contradictive games that go on between politicians and citizens, priests and scientists, the young and old, men and women etc... i want intelligence to function all the time, not just those very few moments when there is complete attention, i am starting to see it's necessity because without this complete sensitivity to everything then man is condemned to not knowing and even things that are known might be tainted and would thus endeavors based on partial or corrupted knowledge would be a waste of energy, i can barely imagine the strives and advances i could make if everyone knew what i was thinking or at least knew all the variables, this would end all suffering and every problem could be solved instantly. i am working on a number of ideas or rather fundamental possibilities so i could be wrong about all this and realize it later, i say this because i have also been thinking that it is not possible to contrive a means to the source because it is like a unmovable wall so it doesn't matter what i think or do it will not budge so the source can only reveal itself to me on it's own terms which i think is for me to just look and listen so i can be open to it, however this could also be considered a means to the source and thus this method could not always be correct always but for a reinforced self or rather a piece of the puzzle the may be the closest possible way, this might explain the proliferation of buddism and meditation, however the only real way for a fragment to be completely sensitive to the whole or vice versa is for the fragment to become exactly like the whole, like the breeze over the ocean, or or better yet the contact between 2 waters, there surfaces are mated perfectly but only when they are exactly the same size or rather equals can they be completely sensitive to there respective totality.


Email 7
July 14 2008
over the weekend i had time to think and i realized that there were probably a few parts of my last email that i should have went into more detail, i will try to address those areas in this email.

I mentioned that my initial view of the decision making study was flawed because the decision making process begins long before any measurements can be taken, what i mean is that even before the participant is aware of the study they are making decisions that make themselves available to the study and thus influence any subsequent decisions they make, also when they are being directed as to the parameters of there participation in the study or rather being told what role they will be playing in the study and what it entails, the gears are already turning and that hesitation is already building up, one might also say it's antagonization until the reciprocate functions appropriately, which in this case being the computer, power source,keyboard, room, chair and the means of influence on the part of the participant. they are given the parameters which in a system of constant movement means possible action is continuously being extrapolated and applied antagonistically until it sticks, since guidelines are given there must be build up in the mind because the current conditions of the exterior is not exact, this build up continues, and it is added to as conditions change to provide more pieces to it's puzzle, at some point not necessarily ideal, there is overflow and action moves to the exterior.

for awhile i have been thinking that there really is no way to accurately predict or study anything for that matter that deals with cause and effect because the origin is unknown, one can say what is occurring is a product of what has occurred and make a reference point in time but it is really another form of numerology and is not always the case.

i mentioned in the last email that i considered the source was like a wall and there cannot be a means to it, what i meant was, it is this way because it is alive and in movement like a river, so the moment a means is contrived it has already moved away and thus the means cannot still apply, so i am thinking the only way to be aware of it is for one to go beyond pleasure and pain, not allow the past to reassert itself and influence current actions, and of course have no direction, all this however must be done without effort and this can of course only be brought about naturally.


Email 8
July 23 2008
I brush my teeth after every meal using total, then i rinse with h2o2 3%, then mouth wash, then water, but the cavities are still getting worse, more slowly now though since i am taking better care of them, but i think my digestive system is screwed up from all the adventures and is probably the main contributing factor to my tooth decay.

when the pain first started i thought about how the world suffered and my inadequacy to do anything about it, i also thought about how pitiful it was for me to be concerned with my own pain when there was a world of pain out there that i am insensitive to, and there was nothing i could do about it. while i screamed in torment through the nights in the cave, my tears were for the world of life in pain of which i could do nothing to ease and probably have no right to do so even if i could, but in actuality it was all a product of feeling, emotion and thought, where as the feeling initiated a thought, subsequently arising an emotion which filtered or rather partially blocked feeling and directed more energy to the inward movement which was thought furthering energy into emotion, anyways the point is i realized the idea of a world in pain and the emotional reaction to it was an escape from the actual pain of about 7 decayed teeth with one chipped molar with an exposed root and at the same time loose, the fact is that man suffers, or rather there is pain, and while one might be able to ease one branch or leaf of pain or maybe cover it up and make it look pretty, or try to escape from it through drink, drugs or religion, the roots are still there and pain has its place in the totality of what is. i had a dream where i asked if it was possible to end suffering, they told me that it is possible through feeling, or rather what is important is the way it is felt, i thought about how these religious people torture themselves because of an idea, or how the middle class citizen seeks to surround them self with distractions while fearing emptiness and thinking that the external things will fill that void, or how one says if i do this or that i will become something more or less. all of one's motivation stems from thought which is initialized by feeling, the way something is felt can be altered by thought, depending of course on ones sensitivity, this i believe is where the problem lies "literally", i mentioned in the last email that there is a fact that man is a liar, that is to say it is an inner process of lying that discovers truth, while one might not realize that the millions of thoughts swirling through ones mind are mostly lies attempting to take a foot hold or feeling around for the right moment in which they fit and are considered a truth, they are there in every combination, when one says something is not so it is still a positing of the target which would be that the not so is a so that is posited by a not, but it is still there only another facet of itself is in view. everything is flowing out of oneself so what is being viewed is oneself condensed, but this outward movement has nowhere to go except obviously back into oneself, when one says that something is different or separate from what is received through sensory input it is only an idea but the fact is that what one is seeing and hearing is oneself, and on the same note there could be no place outside of one to separate oneself from what is factually there, inevitably there is no escape from reality, and i feel that the pot of water is boiling, so there is a great urgency to put everything in it's right place intellectually so that consciousness will be at it's potential and not just merely the awareness of a fragmented perspective, remember when i said awhile ago that in order for an ai to know what is real it must know everything that is false in every possible way, or rather i think i also used the robot in the box analogy that pushes in every direction to find out the dimensions of the box, this is what i mean that inevitably the form that is what one calls the what is figures out it's dimensions, i believe that we are at the threshold or the transition stage in which there is enough for consciousness to be aware of but it's awareness is incomplete and thus the unknowns or chaotically placed pieces of itself are moving into position and are causing friction. when i say unknown i do not mean something outside of consciousness but rather something that is there but it's ascetically misrepresented. one can scream and yell at a rock to move out of the way all they want to but it will not move itself because of speech alone, one must physically pick it up, like wise the rock cannot prevent this by it's numbers or weights, however proper speech to many numbers and weights of men can move most any rock, anyways what i am getting at everything has it's place, i have noticed that when one is in pain they have a tremendous amount of energy to run around and do all sorts of foolish activities to cover up the pain, of course no one has been successful at causing pain to perish completely in all it's various forms so it is here to stay, however i wonder if that energy can properly redirected so it flows in it's proper direction and thus not as intense and unbearable to cause silliness or foolishness, in my dreams the heat and cold are there but not unbearable, they are mild but i still now their form and i am still sensitive enough to know they are there, but here i have to jump in a pool or put on a coat or in extreme cases i can even become deformed, i am not suggested that one become disillusioned, go into a trance or any of that so called hocas pocas, but merely when everything has it's place one will not suffer because it will not build up enough to cause pain, when everything is allowed to flow in it's proper direction it is truly alive and in continuous movement never still but at the same time completely sensitive to it's entirety and at it's fullest capacity to act completely intelligent.


Email 9
July 23 2008
recently i have been trying to figure out the place of thought or more precisely what has access to thought, i question this because the fact is that while thought appears to function divisively, there are not multiple singular thought units that are unique to separate entities, having said that, i wonder if during the communication of multiple human beings when in the presence of consciousness "not suggesting of course there exists anything outside of it" if they all have access to the complex network of stored psychological memory that thought has put together, so that the intended directives are transferred effectively, what i mean is during communication everybody knows the exact context and if everyone understands everything's place then there is continuous movement without all the nonsensical questions and hesitations.

in the last email i think i mentioned a rock analogy and was going to go in a couple directions with it but i forget to add the part that it is pointless or rather an inefficient use of energy to try and convince or reason with the perceived external because it will get lost in vast movement, so it is like a unmovable rock, or like trying to get a rock to move by talking to it, it is also pointless because the place of the one who sees and hears is not to tell what the seen and heard should do or not do or what it should or should not be.
i think i am getting close to narrowing this down but i am still trying to understand it, i know i am doing something along these lines during my dreams that upset the people i meet,
next time i am fully aware during my dreams i will try to figure out what form of questioning by the observer upsets the observed and how thought is accessed.

i remember during one dream i got upset because i felt that the observed did not understand that they were in the presence of consciousness and there supposed lack of compassion was emotionally detrimental to its carrier, i tried to explain this to them but i felt that it was me who did not understand and what i was trying to impart was shear nonsense, they tried to help me understand but the idea was too complex, all i remember them saying was that i was a young god and then my questioning finally pist them off and they told me to go back to people, and then i woke up to coyotes howling above my cave.

i don't think it is my place to change anything but rather to try and understand it, there is a way of observation that is natural and i rarely experience it, but when i do it is the most amazing feeling of intense compassion and intelligence, and when this happens the relationship between the observer and the observed seems to be harmonious and definite perfection as a form of one. last night i had a dream where i was listening closely to a song that i was singing and while i was not completely aware or rather all together outside that movement naiveness or trance, it was enough to have a good attentiveness to the subtleties, it is an amazing feeling that from what i can remember happens very rarely during dreams and even less if not at all during the waking state, i can only remember one word of the song, "kachina", i knew i heard it before sdo i looked it up on the net this morning and i think it is a hopi native american word for "life bringer"


email 10
july 25 2008
i forgot to ask if you knew of any studies involving emotional response reprogramming??? or perhaps some sort of research related to the alteration of the immediate feelings associated with various external occurrences.

for example i have heard in the past people say that when something is not going as one expects, that it is desirable to say to oneself something they consider positive, and in doing so there is some sort of mood alteration, however what i am concerned with is the immediate feeling one becomes aware of, such as when one walks through a neighborhood and hears a barking dog there is an immediate feeling of annoyance, however if one's own dog is barking at a passing pedestrian there is a feeling of perhaps curiosity as to what the dog is barking at.

recently i have become partially aware of another feeling which is somewhat difficult for me to comprehend as of yet, it involves concentration of an alternate perspective, such as from the point of view of the dog, there is a faint feeling of a need for conflict but not in a negative sense, i also have sensed a similar feeling in persons altering the tone of there voice during communication, there is a partial feeling of attending or perhaps rather a form of belonging involvement. i wonder if perhaps when there is increased attention without motivation more of these alternate perspective related feelings can be understood. one i am also having difficulty with is the perspective of an ordinary house fly, it might sound silly and a rather pitiful thing for one to be concerned with, but bothersome flies seem to produce intense feelings of annoyance with a high frequency of occurrences, but this annoyance is just a product of thought, if one has an idea about the musca domestica linnaeus such as from the perspective of a scientist endeavoring in a field of which the fly is in study, then it's presence is desirable and it's purpose is said to be important, but i wonder if there is a way of altering these immediate feelings without an idea, perhaps it is a matter of real observation, a intense feeling of attention that negates all the various imposing feelings that have no real association or belonging to what is there, the what is that is there is still what it is regardless of one's idea about it, so why should one see and hear most always with an idea, it seems to me that this form of observation is unneccesarily limiting and it's narrowing is actually partially opposed to the actual activity of observation. i think that perhaps when one can see and hear without an idea then the abilty to observe will be at it's highest potentional and i think that this can only occur when one is experiancing healthy, real, and correct feeling, emotion and thought in occordance to the current conditions.

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